Today I just had the most incredible experience.
I don’t even know where to begin.
To be honest, I don’t know where my blog really goes... who reads it, who skims through it. Most likely not a whole lot of people. But if you’re reading this now, I hope you feel that it was because you were meant to read it.
As with most of you, if not all… our lives are composed of so many woven tales. Not one aspect could possibly give the whole picture. One person can play the role of daughter, sister, teacher, student, companion, group leader…all the above. Your list of roles may be different or similar to mine… but the point is, we are so complex. Within the hustle and bustle of life, at least for myself I find each day a little intimidating. How will I ever accomplish all that is set before me? I am after all human. I have no special powers of my own.
These past couple weeks have been especially challenging. Anyone who knows me well understands how much effort it takes for me to fall asleep. My mind is an overworked speedometer. Always thinking.
Sorry for that massive intro… still, one of the things on my mind has been this:
I’m currently working on a special film project that will be completed this summer. I’m using it as a ministry tool. I can’t give too many specific details now, but the bottom line, was that in order to go through with it I needed a large sum of money. I was so determined to do it- (believing God called me to it), that I never even questioned if I’d have the finances. I had no idea where they would come from. I didn’t have the heart to ask anyone for financial support directly (as I know we’re all tight), yet I trusted that God would provide.
Obviously as with any person stepping out on faith there is a moment of doubt. In my situation, there were several.
The more I thought about it, and reconciled in my mind how I would get my way through this situation, the more I realized… hmm. I think I just asked God for a miracle.
It has been maybe half a year since I’ve been thinking up this project. There’s been no penny put towards it.
Then tonight, my sister dropped off an envelope for me. I won’t mention the name of the person who sent it. He knows who he is, and God knows. I opened it up only to find more than half the amount of what I needed for my project. I didn’t know how to react. I felt so overwhelmed. I know this person very well. He has a beautiful family, with more than enough mouths to feed. He isn’t the richest of men… but in his heart, I could testify that he is richer than most I know. I was moved to tears, simply because I was so unworthy. Why should anyone feel compelled to invest in my work? I could never repay this money, at least not where I am now.
Some may think I’m overreacting, but I think I was most touched because the first thing that came to my mind was another debt I had.
A debt that would have cost my life all eternity. How could I ever pay it? I wouldn’t have a hope in the world.
There was another man who came to my rescue. He couldn’t pay with gold coins, or colorful dollar bills. He had to pay with his blood.
What had he to gain? What could I possibly offer him in return?
Tonight I’m remembered of Christ’s love. I’m reminded that he gave of himself not because we are good, but because HE is good. Therefore, if God freely gives… how can I not give to others? This is not a sob story for people to feel sorry for me. I just pray that you would be just as overwhelmed as I am, with God’s grace.
I remember I was at a camp this past summer, and I was singing in front of maybe 800 people. I started bawling in the middle of my song…on stage… spotlights. Some of you were there. It’s not the most professional way to sing, sobbing into the microphone, but I couldn’t help it.
I was crying because of this:
some people will never know how much God loved them.