Saturday, January 28, 2012

Love, Sex, ... God?

*Disclaimer: I know that not everyone who follows my blog sees the world through a Biblical lens, so I appreciate you taking the time to read this anyways. You might still completely disagree with me, but at least we're able to have this kind of conversation :)

Real questions I've gotten over the years:

Q: Why is sex wrong if you love the person?
A: I have heard this question sooo many times. It's amazing to me how people have equated love with sex. In essence, these kinds of people are saying the only people who should feel guilty about fornication are prostitutes since they do not love the person, they are simply getting paid to have sex. Wrong!

The Bible has many verses clear on God's heart towards fornication. Here are only a few:

1 Corinthians 6:13 the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.

1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

Ephesians 5:3
But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;

What IS fornication anyways? The dictionary defines it as: "Sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to each other"

The simplest answer to the above question is, the Bible says it's wrong, so it's wrong. Mind you, I know many of you cannot just be satisfied to know the 'rules' of God's word, without knowing the heart behind it. God is not trying to KILL JOY! He wants to enhance it! I Think this is the most common misconception about the Bible, that it takes away all the fun out of life. SOO not true. God understands how good, beautiful, incredible, pleasurable sex is, and how connecting it is. What better place for it than within a marriage where two people will be able to enjoy each other for a whole life time! If you truly love someone, wouldn't you want to be with them forever? Outside of a marriage context, there is no deep commitment to each other. How can you truly love them? Read 1 Corinthians 13 to know what love is. Love endures all things; love never fails. If you LOVE each other, be committed to each other for life.

Q: Aren't you afraid that if you don't have sex before you're married you can't be sure if you're sexually compatible? Sex is a huge part of marriage. If you can't enjoy each other, that would be a disaster. 

A: True, sex is a vital part of marriage.

To the Christ-follower, I say this: If you've trusted God this far to bring you two together, don't you think he would bless every aspect of your marriage? If you trust God for your salvation, for eternal life, why don't you trust God for a lesser thing, like a good sex life? Give over all things to the Lord. Sex is God's gift to you as a married couple. I doubt you will be disappointed.

To the non-believer: Without God as the complete centre of a relationship, even a good sex life wouldn't  guarantee a working marriage. The model of marriage should be two people looking to please God, and in doing so, they please each other. The reason is because God's love is perfect: self-sacrificing, and unconditional. Human love says, "I'll love you as long as you love me, or make me happy, or do the things I like". God says, "I will never leave you, or forsake you. Nothing can separate you from my love".

Q: Are you saying that in order to be married and happy you need God? I know plenty of people who are not Christians and their marriage is fine.
A: I hear you! I too know couples who have no relationship with God and seem to be doing fine. I mean, I don't really know what goes on behind closed doors, but I think it would be safe to say that marriage outside of the biblical context does exist! Of course it does. I'd say it's a lot more difficult to deal with marital problems without God's word, and I know that many marriage counsellors (Christian or not) use biblical principles to resolve conflict. The Bible is just an incredible source for living. Not only does it have a beautiful and effective plan for marriage, but also is the road map to eternal life! God doesn't just care about your marriage, he cares about your salvation.

Q: How far is too far within a dating relationship? 

A: Obviously, sex is out of the question. However you can still make bad choices even without going "all the way". The Bible talks about resisting the devil, or fleeing temptation. You won't really know how strong you are until you put yourself in a difficult or tempting situation. Why would you want to take that risk? The moral of the story is not "see how far you can get to sex without it actually being sex". That's a terrible mindset. Ask yourself a better question, "Is what I'm doing causing me to stumble, or struggle with sexual desire?" Don't play with fire. If you need to not kiss at all, God will honour that so much more than the couple who is walking a fine line and trying to get away with it.

Q: What is the difference between dating and courtship?
A: I recommend you reading some books by Joshua Harris if you really want to know.  

Two that I've read are, Boy Meets Girl, and I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Both of them are wonderfully written. 

I actually prefer the whole concept of 'courtship' a lot more than 'dating', but maybe it's just a matter of semantics. As I understand it, dating to me has this more temporal or less-serious connotation to it, where courtship has only one goal, and one intention: marriage. Again, I'm not a huge stickler on these two words, but I do respect people who understand the seriousness of pursuing relationships. Don't lead him on. Don't lead her on. Make your intentions known. 

Q: I grew up in a Christian home, and still managed to lose my virginity. I feel dirty, and so far from God. What do I do?
A: Sweetheart, please don't think for a moment that you are not loved. God loves you so much. So so so stinking much. God loved us while we were yet his enemies... while we hated him! You know, we are all sinners. Every single one of us. All of us need forgiveness. The good news is, Jesus offers that to us! He offers us a clean slate every time we repent and pray to him for forgiveness. You may say, "well, yes.. but I'm a Christian, and I still committed a terrible sin". I understand that. While I am not giving permission to take Grace lightly, you need to know that Christ's blood shed on the cross is indeed great enough to cover ALL our sin. Do not let the enemy drag you down. You are no less beautiful to God. Apostle Paul, who lived a large portion of his life murdering Christians came to this conclusion: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1). You are not condemned! You are free. Tell God you are sorry. Share your burden with those that love you, and care for you. Walk in newness. God knew since the beginning of time, that we would fail and fall. That's why he sent us His son.

I wrote this song for a person in your shoes... it was entered into a competition. I hope it speaks to you too:

Lastly, If you have any further questions, I can take them anonymously through this site: CLICK HERE


"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" (John 8:36).

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