Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I Never Thought I Was Beautiful

When I was a little girl, even as young as 4 or 5 years old, I remember feeling really insecure when it came to outward beauty. One day on the Kindergarden playground, a girl who was older, started picking on me.  The only thing I could think of at the time, was that I must be ugly. 

Another time I remember getting in trouble from my parents. I stormed into the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I remember feeling disgusted. "It's because I'm ugly", I thought. "Who would have compassion on an ugly kid?"

Its not that my parents ever made comments to me to tear me down, but looking around, at all my other friends, and my siblings, I never thought I had much to compete with. 

Lets just say, I was always hoping that one day this ugly duckling, would become something beautiful. 

My dad had always stressed to me the importance of inner beauty, and so I guess thats where I always ended up. Working on my character instead. 

What is my point in all of this? 

Fast forward to today,! Many years have elapsed since elementary, junior high, or  high-school. I must admit, it wasn't until my mid twenties that I actually started to feel comfortable with who I am. Its strange, at the time, highs-school seemed like it was my life. Amazing how the time flies, and I rarely see any of my peers. Still, it doesn't mean the pressure isn't there all around us, every day, for women to be beautiful.

You may ask, "Amy... are you STILL insecure? Or do you now think you're beautiful?"

I have generally ignored this question my whole life. I'm not sure why. I guess as the years went on, I really didn't care. If I'm VERY honest with myself, I think I always saw my younger sister as the more beautiful one. She has the blue eyes, the darker skin, ...the perfect smile. 

Part of me thinks, well... if God made me this way, I should be thankful. I should delight. I guess the only answer I can think of is, if we compare ourselves to eachother, we might always find someone more or less beautiful. Beauty is also in the eye of the beholder, so who's to know? 

How about I ask a better question. What do I even consider beautiful? The older I get, the more and more it looks like the same thing the Word of God says:

Proverbs 31:30
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
      But a woman 
who fears the LORD, she shall be praised

Its funny, this is how I was raised, and this is what I always return to. When I see Jesus inside someone else, there isn't anything to me that could be more beautiful. How often have we known someone who was absolutely gorgeous, but because of their character, they became ugly to us?

I think if people were to look at me and see something only surface, never see the love of God, it would be my greatest regret. Even when I look at guys, the most attractive ones have been those who reflect the heart of God. There is a deeper beauty that this world shys away from. Media today just sells sex. Body parts are becoming so exposed, so exploited, ...there is no substance, no lasting fulfilment. 

I Peter 3:4
3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Let me tell you this, if you see any happy couples, loving each other way into old age, I'm pretty sure its not because they think they are hot stuff. Love is so much deeper. When you love someone, it is about loving their soul, their spirit, their mind. 

Ladies, if you spend all your life TRYING to attract the opposite sex by flaunting yourself, you will ALWAYS be needing to do that. And where will you draw the line? If  you think that by dressing provocatively you will be saving yourself time, because all the guys will flock to you, I question which kinds of guys you are actually attracting.

What do I think is beautiful? I'll say it again:

A meek and quiet spirit. A person who fears God. 

To me, beautiful is the person that everyone loves, and feels loved by, and all the while, that person has no clue just how many lives they have impacted!


  1. Amy, I always thought you were the most beautiful girl throughout all our schooling together. Your charisma and strength was a beacon to so many people and always made me so shy around you.

    I can remember pretty clearly that (and please correct me if I'm wrong) you couldn't listen to music with a beat while in elementary school. There was one day, that I feel, I had thought about forever. You were waiting for the bus to go home in line with all your friends and with all my friends close by I sheepishly approached you with I think it was the WOW '98 CD or close to that. I really wanted you to have that CD to take home and say I should be able to listen to music with a beat because music can create so much joy. A lesson I know you learned all too well. You didn’t want to take the CD from me because I think you were embarrassed by the whole situation and didn’t know how to react. I think ever since that day I have had a crush on you Ms. Savin. Stay beautiful. Stay strong. Stay humble.


  2. Amy, I am hard pressed to think of another person as beautiful as you on the inside and the out. I love how you are so honest and put yourself out there as a wonderful mentor to young girls and women to see their true beauty and worth as God intended. And I so's amazing how 'ugly' a so-called beautiful person can appear once they open their mouth and reveal their true character. You go girl!

  3. All I can say is the beautiful wrapper on the outside may sag or fade later. That is adjustable as we have seen in recent days (more and more) but the inner beauty that you possess will increase and NEVER go away as you ponder and hide away in your heart the Word (of God) that sets your spirit free.
    No Amy, you are a charmer in deed. A woman of true beauty on the outside. It just gives us dudes something to look at as we get to know the inside full of joy, compassion and grace.
    OH, and the sounds that come out of those vocal chords sound like you look and act. All I can say is WOW and Thank you Lord for true beauty! I just wished you lived in United States (he he)